How Can Life Coaching Help Me?

I'm experimenting with technology and communication styles! This week's blog post is in video format. I met Hong Le-Bruno at Toastmasters, and was honored when she suggested that one of the shows at Midfield Access Television might like to interview a Life Coach. Pam Jones interviewed me, and here are the answers to your questions about Life Coaching:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nuNwSnOYSg 

Ok, that link looks really boring. But it's 18 minutes of useful information! Please post your questions or comments.

Going International!

Exciting things are brewing over here. It's taken a few weeks to finalize a big decision: we are relocating to Europe! This is what it feels like sometimes

A path dimly lit! You are fairly certain there is a path, and you hope that by trusting these small nuggets on information, you will find your way to the destination. 

This is one of my favorite quotes. I kept this newspaper page from 1991, when I studied in Vienna and enjoyed reading the International Herald Tribune every day. We're not moving to Berlin, but it still feels like a sentimental connection---plus we'll be able to visit Berlin any time we want!

We'll have plenty of outdoor cafes to sample. The basket-like chairs are typical beach seating with built- in shade, while everyone else has umbrellas (and ashtrays!). But the coffee and desserts are spectacular :). Of course, we'll have to let the snow melt before it looks like that!

Off the Beaten Path: Sequoia National Park & Kings Canyon

We drove into Sequoia National Park from the south, and found the hairpin turns up into the mountains to be manageable. The Rangers at the visitor center were helpful, and provided us with a more detailed map than the one we had. We stayed in the Park, at Wuksachi Lodge, rather than drive in and out each day. The scenery was gorgeous, and the stargazing was phenomenal.

For those of you who live closer to sea level, the elevation of 7,000 feet may not be bothersome, but stay hydrated and stretch before you embark on your walking, climbing, and hiking adventures. We tackled Moro Rock first, and I felt nervous about the spaciousness which left me feeling like an ant! I don’t believe that my fears about safety were warranted, but I was glad that Mr. Spice walked down ahead of me.

We walked around Crescent Meadow, which was lovely. This is a great place to build in some picnic time and relax. Remove from your vehicle all food, beverages, and hygiene products that may have a fragrance, and store in one of the metal “bear boxes” next to the parking area. 

I thought I went to the gym often enough to also visit the Crystal Cave that afternoon. I managed the hike down and back up, but was really worn out by the combination of activities. I feel kind of wimpy admitting my pain, but would rather save someone else the pulled hamstring! The cave was neat, and I’d recommend it. Bear box near the parking area again, and this time we saw a bear on the way back up from the cave- far enough away to not be nerve-wracking.

Finally, Mr. Spice insisted on a visit to the General Sherman Tree. I was pretty wiped out, but didn’t want to sit in the car while he saw the giant sequoia! “Its’ only half a mile each way” is irrelevant if the total for the day is 9.5 miles. Perhaps my physical exhaustion tainted my impression of the tree, but I liked the General Grant Tree in King’s Canyon the next day much better. 

We departed Sequoia and headed north through King’s Canyon, detouring at Mr. Spice’s request to see another grove of sequoias. I cannot recommend this stop highly enough- it was really neat! Autumn is a good time of year to visit without tremendous crowds! If you've visited these parks, do you have a favorite part?

Weird dream turns hopeful

I had a dream a few weeks ago. During the dream, I felt frustrated, nervous, and rushed. I was limping around because one of my feet had a hiking boot on it, while the other foot had only a flip flop. This was very annoying, because I typically wear matching shoes! There was more to the dream, but the footgear was key.

Part of my life coaching class includes dream analysis, and a fellow student helped me out with this one. I won’t bore you with all the steps involved, but after asking me several questions, it became apparent that the mis-matched footgear is symbolic of several aspects of my life. 

For most of my life, the hiking boots in my dream matched what I was doing: work 49 weeks out of the year, take 3 weeks vacation, repeat. I’ve always been good about using all my benefit days, especially with family members in more than 1 country, but I don’t literally hike for work.  Even though hiking isn’t my favorite pastime, I don’t mind wearing sturdy boots during colder weather for obvious reasons. I’ve never owned high heeled winter boots!

Until now, flip flops have been stored at the back of the closet until summers in the garden or vacations to warmer climates… a couple of months for the former, a week per year if I’m lucky for the latter. I’ve been spending more time in nature since getting laid off from work, and have also been wearing more casual clothes, resulting in more flip-flop usage! At the same time, I feel pressure to be “productive”, as if I’m doing something useful with my life…wait, does that mean I can’t do worthwhile things in flip flops? Hmmm, that’s worth examining.

Feeling Lonely and Scared

During my husband’s 15 month deployment in 2005-2006, I experienced the usual separation pains. I’ve admitted them to other military families since then, but feel better able to articulate some of my thinking now, thanks to the life coach training that I’m currently enrolled in. I hated the thought of returning after work to an empty house (well, God bless the cats, I meant empty of people). Maybe my limiting belief was “I shouldn’t be alone on a Friday night.”

Cats always help with scrapbooking; nearby is yellow deployment support scarf (gift from friend).

I kept myself so busy that eventually I realized that it wasn’t sustainable. I had no clean clothes, no food in the fridge, and no peace and quiet. Of course, I was avoiding the peace and quiet in the first place, because then my fears could be heard: “he’s going to die.” Now, I am pretty sure that some of you are saying, “don’t worry so much”. Others, however, are probably agreeing, “well, the Green Zone (Baghdad, Iraq) isn’t the safest place on the planet”. I’ve recently learned from Martha Beck and Byron Katie that our inner lizards love to holler “the sky is falling!” even if it isn’t, and our thoughts may or may not be true.

Airport Chapel

He didn’t die, and the sky didn’t fall on our home. I feel survivor guilt for those who experienced a different outcome. During the deployment, I had to learn how to be by myself. At first, I cried a lot and had a hard time falling asleep. Our clergy-person at the time, Tim Rogers at St. Peter’s Episcopal Church in Salem, MA taught me a faith-based mantra to help calm my thoughts: breathe in while thinking one or two words, breathe out with another word or two. For example, “Come, Holy Spirit”. It could be any words that comfort you, from “help me, Jesus” to other meditative phrases.

I worked, volunteered, and eventually figured out that I could have time with friends and also evenings at home alone. It’s NOT true that “only pathetic people are home alone.” Sometimes friends visited with scrapbooking supplies, while other days found me scrapbooking with help only from cats! My neighbors were good to me, bringing me a big bowl of corn chowder and helping with snow removal. I prayed, assembled care packages, planned our mid-tour leave, and eventually cried a bit less and was able to sleep a bit better. My life coaching business can help others who are seeking to balance alone time and together time with others.  www.barbaracoxlifecoaching.com

Chicago (not off the beaten path)

I don’t think we discovered anything new, but enjoyed our experience in Chicago. If you’ve never been, I was confused about the hotel address, when compared with a nearly identical rental car address: why is the word “upper” in one of them, but they seem to be in the same place? I was absolutely amazed to see that there were not TWO streets stacked up on top of each other, but THREE! The “pretty” stuff is on the top level, and there are garages and service entrances on the lower streets. Wow! Amazing and a bit dim at night. 

We started off with a walk along Lake Shore Drive, and an evening river/lake cruise, which we enjoyed very much. An ok hamburger and turkeyburger at Chicago Burger Company (be prepared for astronomical prices) and a good but not spectacular ice cream at Fanny May’s rounded out the night.

The Art Institute was fabulous, but military spouses beware, we get no discount unless our service member is with us (um, hello, we’re not often together!). The museum café was pricey but tasty with healthy choices. A Segway tour of the lakefront was fun, and the Field Museum was amazing. Who wouldn’t be impressed with dinosaur skeletons? Or a small room with gemstones on display?

Check out the food court in the basement of Macy’s on State Street- custom salads are yummy.  All in all, Chicago was an interesting place to spend a few days. It was hazy, hot and humid in August, so if your travel schedule allows for a spring or fall visit, you may feel more comfortable then.

Do you have a favorite Chicago destination?

Unemployment Uniform (or, saving shoes until a puppy destroys them?)

At first, I thought it would be GREAT to not dress up for work every morning. Being “reasonable”, I decided to limit my wearing of yoga pants all day to Tuesdays, which is my yoga class day. For a while, I was annoyed when I had another meeting on a Tuesday, preventing me from wearing sweat pants. But the remaining days I pledged to wear jeans and a decent t-shirt. No more dry cleaning bills for me, except job interview suits and blouses!

How did my thinking about that change? One of my former colleagues had joined Toastmasters International at the insistence of her boss at the time. She was terrified of public speaking but became proficient and much more confident. I decided to attend a Toastmasters meeting with someone from my church who was giving a speech, though I confess at the time, I believed I would benefit more from networking than learning speaking skills. I got dressed up for the meeting, and was amazed to hear some compliments on my outfit, which I hadn’t received in MONTHS. I also said “ah” more than five times that day at the meeting, and realized that I needed to join Toastmasters.

I concluded that my jeans and sweatpants days were not good for my self-esteem. I also learned that I’m excellent at public speaking when it’s a topic I’m comfortable around in front of an audience I feel connected with (but could strengthen my impromptu speaking skills). I wore a nice outfit today when I gave a speech at Toastmasters, and after the meeting, the staff at my hair salon commented on my better-than-usual apparel. One of them said she saved her nice shoes to wear on special occasions, but a puppy recently chewed on 3 pairs!

I’m not going to wear “dry clean” clothes every day, but I’ve decided to look at what I can wear next that I haven’t put on for months. At least now I can see what I have because I cleaned out my bureau and closet shelves since I have time! I’m also going to dig into the china cabinet and use special glasses and plates more often than just on holidays, even if they can’t go into the dishwasher!